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About the power of patience and serenity (not just at Christmas time).

The main reason for being annoyed or unhappy is often not the situation itself, but how we deal with it. How we perceive it, evaluate or condemn it, defend ourselves, fight against it, control it and want to impose our will on it.


This creates a lot of stress, suffering or conflict. Often completely unnecessarily. And that costs so much energy and also blocks us from dealing with situations in a confident, positive and creative way. Especially when they are challenging.


But what is the solution for more lightness?


For me this year, it was mainly patience and serenity. As for so many people, 2023 was a pretty tough year for me too. On the one hand, there was a lot of bureaucracy and organization regarding my final emigration to Croatia and founding a company in Dalmatia. Things I'd never done before, zero experience, some jitters, lots of question marks and, of course, completely different processes and "special effects" in places. A different country, different customs - and I don't speak the language fluently yet. In the end, everything went really well. Patience and serenity were the cornerstones of this process, based on the mindfulness principle "it is what it is". And it becomes what it becomes - through your thoughts, emotions and the resulting attitude and action ...

 

On the other hand, there were severe bouts of long Covid, which pushed me physically to the limit for weeks on end and also led me to the emergency room. Yes, I had other ideas and plans for the summer. Both privately and professionally. But "jebiga", as we say in Dalmatia. Things just turned out differently. Patience and serenity gave me immense strength during this time too. Acceptance too. And no unnecessary "brainfuck". It is what it is. And the stories we tell ourselves are so important. They make the difference between happiness and unhappiness. About despair or hope. About freedom or imprisonment. About strength or paralysis.

 

Patience and serenity - absolute game changers and facilitators in interpersonal relationships too. Most tensions in relationships of any kind arise because we have specific expectations or ideas (whether consciously or unconsciously) about how our counterpart should be or behave. We lose acceptance and tolerance for the individual. We don't leave enough room for differences. We look at others with ego-tuned glasses. Asking questions in order to answer - not to really listen. We superimpose the template of our own little cosmos. And are then surprised, stressed or even horrified when things get tight. When tensions and conflicts arise. It takes two to tango.

 

Why am I writing these lines? Because the Advent and Christmas season is usually a time of high tension (interpersonal) situations and a lot of stress. Every year again. Festival of love? Well ...

How do I get through this time while on vacation at home with my family in Germany? You can probably already guess: with patience and serenity. And that's what I need, for example, when I'm treated like I'm 19 again at the age of 47 in my parents' house (where I live when I visit home) and am controlled accordingly. Discussing the Christmas menu. An act of state in our house. After all, it has to suit everyone. So for the meat eaters, vegetarians, vegans, allergy sufferers and the "but I don't like it". Animosities and special effects in my clan? Lots of them. Including mine.

 

Or working undisturbed - a challenge in my parents' house. My father in particular has a huge talent for bursting into online coaching sessions or constantly having to tell me something when I'm sitting at my computer, focused and with prior notice. Like just now, when I'm writing this blog article for you ...

The former Vanessa would definitely have lost it at some point. Today, I take it easy(er) and have patience with him. He doesn't do it on purpose or mean any harm. He's just like that and sometimes forgets things. I also (mostly) have patience with my mommy. She is the world champion of "rambling and taking all the detours" while she is talking about something. But you know what? At times like these, I'm aware that my parents won't live forever and that our time together is numbered. So there will definitely come a time when I long for them and those moments back. And isn't there that nice saying: "How grown up and how far you really are in your personal development is shown when you spend time with your parents." Hell yeah, baby ...

 

In any case, I hope you have a wonderful and harmonious time. With your family. With yourself. And not just at Christmas. Patience and serenity are really something. Maybe they will make your life a little easier and happier in the future too.

 

Lots of love

Vanessa



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